


Call Me Crazy

by aarondingle



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6602881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarondingle/pseuds/aarondingle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bit after the reunion kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Call Me Crazy

Nobody can put love into a box or give it a definition so that people know what it feels like and that’s what makes it so special, and so scary. Everyone feels love in different ways, some feel it in big ways where it’s all consuming and others feel it in smaller ways, like a happy feeling in their chest when someone they love does something that makes them smile. You can’t tell someone they aren’t in love if it doesn’t fit the way you love because everyone’s unique and everyone’s love is different in ways not everyone will ever be able to understand. And that’s okay. Love is love, despite how it’s felt or who it’s felt by.

Take Robert Sugden for example, if you had told him he would have ever fallen in love with a man he would have called you crazy. It’s not something he ever thought would happen. Sure, he’s been with guys, he’d liked guys but he’s never loved one. He loved Chrissie and he thought maybe he could have had it all with her, settled down and been happy. But then Aaron Livesy happened to him and look at where he is now. His life got turned upside down because of this one person. This one stubborn man who drives him up the wall. He felt love like he never had before. He fought with it, of course, battled with the notion he couldn’t fully understand because this wasn’t the plan. But, of course life never goes the way you plan. Maybe that’s the beauty of it but Robert doesn’t like when things aren’t in his control and loving Aaron definitely isn’t in his control.

So, Robert may not be an expert at love but he now knows it doesn’t matter how hard you try to fight it, love will always win. His love for Aaron will always win.

Kissing Aaron again, after what feels like years, makes Robert’s heart ache and his palms sweaty. A surge of happiness overcomes his whole being and he feels at home. It’s a funny thing, feeling at home with a person, feeling so enthralled and happy to have this one person love you back. It’s that all-consuming type of love that you just can’t shake and quite frankly Robert doesn’t want to shake it. He never wants to lose this feeling ever again. Now he has it it’s like a drug he knows he’ll never be able to quit. 

The smile on his lips when the kiss ends makes his cheeks hurt and he feels like a giddy teenager falling in the love for the first time. Except this isn’t the first time because he falls in love with Aaron over and over again, every single day. He used to think people made that up when they said it until he felt it. Until his whole body felt on fire whenever Aaron touched him or his heart ached whenever Aaron smiled at him or laughed at one of his jokes. You can’t fake that kind of love.

And today of all days Robert has never felt more in love. Aaron has been so strong during Gordon’s trial and Robert is so proud of him. Proud of him for going through this and coming out stronger at the other end. They both know it’s not really the end but it’s a damn good step in the right direction and Robert is lucky enough to be right by Aaron’s side through it all.

“Do you wanna go upstairs?” It’s Aaron who speaks first as they pull away from the hug, both of them still smiling. And it’s nice to see Aaron’s smile. Robert feels a swell of pride at the fact it is him who has put it there.

Robert smirks. “I thought we were taking it slow?”

Robert is one hundred percent expecting it when Aaron scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I don’t mean –”

“We can go upstairs.”

“Right. Okay.”

Robert rolls his eyes at Aaron. “Come on, then,” he teases before he takes hold of Aaron’s hand.

They make their way upstairs, each step making Robert feel more and more nervous. He won’t show it, though. It’s ridiculous to feel nervous and yet his heart is pounding and he doesn’t really know what to do with himself when they reach Aaron’s bedroom. But in true Robert Sugden style he plays it cool, makes out he knows exactly what to do. He pulls his shirt over his head and catches Aaron looking at him, which he basks in, because any attention from Aaron is welcomed.

“Not shy, are you?”

“Have I ever been around you?” Robert shoots back.

“Fair enough.”

Robert then proceeds to take his jeans off, keeping his eyes on Aaron who never looks away. He doesn’t move, either, but Robert pushes on because he knows Aaron’s mind is probably thinking about a million other things after today and if Robert can make this easier by making it simple between them then that’s exactly what he’ll do. He doesn’t want Aaron to overthink anything or pull away from him again because too much is happening all at once. Robert can do slow. Sure they jumped into sex but it’s not like they’ve ever had a real relationship and Robert wants to take that slow, wants to do it right this time, do right by Aaron.

Leaving his clothes on the floor, Robert climbs into Aaron’s bed, making himself welcome and comfortable. He’s probably, hopefully, going to be spending a lot of time here in the future, he may as well get used to it. It’s definitely not a bad place to be, that’s for sure.

He’s leaning against the headboard, looking up at Aaron with a curious smile on his lips, wondering what he’s going to do next but Aaron still doesn’t move, he’s still just looking at Robert. Robert can’t tell what he’s thinking either, there’s nothing on his face to give that away.

“You gonna stand there all night?”

Aaron rolls his eyes again and then shakes his head. It takes another couple of seconds before Aaron removes his own trousers. He then takes his shirt off, back facing to Robert, before he pulls on a thin top. Robert doesn’t comment, he just keeps his eyes on Aaron, watches as he makes his way over to the bed and climbs in. True to say this isn’t the first time they’ve shared a bed together but this part usually happens after sex, when they’re both dazed and sleepy anyway. Robert doesn’t know about Aaron but he himself is wide awake, still reeling about the fact Aaron wants to give them another chance. It’s not what he thought was going to happen, hadn’t even let his mind wander there because it felt like something that would never happen. It’s not that he didn’t have faith in them it was just they had awful timing and nothing had ever gone their way so Robert didn’t think it was possible for them to find a way past that. But here they are, giving it a go and for the first time in a long time Robert feels hopeful.

Robert shifts down the bed and moves to lay on his side, facing Aaron who is still sat up in bed, looking across the room. He looks happy, though, and it makes Robert smile.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Hm?” Aaron hums before he looks down at Robert. 

“Not regretting this already, are ya?” It’s supposed to be a joke but Aaron doesn’t look best pleased. “I’m kidding,” he adds quickly.

“I know.”

“I always forget you’re not the most talkative person.”

“Very funny,” Aaron replies before sighing. He shifts to lay down, too – finally – facing Robert, his hand tucked under his head. He blinks slowly, smiles, and then closes his eyes.

Robert shifts closer, like he’s drawn to Aaron, and in most ways he is. He can never keep away; he always wants to be touching Aaron but he always refrains now he doesn’t have to, though. He reaches his hand to Aaron’s cheek and brushes his fingers through his hair gently. It’s silent but it’s not uncomfortable and Robert doesn’t feel the need to speak, not right now. He’s content to just be here with Aaron.

“Do you think we can do this?” Aaron asks. He sounds vulnerable and small and it breaks Robert’s heart a little bit. But he also can’t help feeling a little bit happy – maybe happy is the wrong world. Proud, maybe? – that they’re actually talking about things and not just assuming and getting mad at each other. Especially Aaron; he has this annoying habit or assuming the worst of Robert and then getting himself all worked up over nothing. It’s nice that he’s directly asking Robert something and not just pushing him away or trying to start an argument that would leave them both pissed off and unhappy.

“Yes.”

Aaron opens his eyes and raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Robert laughs. “We’re still here, aren’t we? After everything, nothing’s changed.”

“Is that enough?”

“I think so.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be good this time, Aaron, I promise. Whatever happens, it’s you and me, okay? I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you I want this, that I want you.”

There’s tears forming in Aaron’s eyes again, they’ve gone red so he blinks harshly and takes a deep breath. Robert knows how hard this is for Aaron, to trust him again, after everything Robert has put him through it’s actually a miracle they’re here right now. But Robert has changed. Aaron makes him want to be a better man but somewhere deep down he also knows he’s always been a good man he’s just made a lot of really bad decisions in his life. Aaron hasn’t made him a good man, though, not really. He did that himself for Aaron because he inspires him so much. He inspires him with his honesty and bravery every single day. He’d do anything for him. He’d move mountains just to see him smile.

“Promises can be broken, Robert.”

“Not this one.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I love ya, Aaron. Because I hate seeing you so broken up, because I can never take my mind off you for longer than five minutes. And because I’d hate myself for not trying to make this right between us.”

Aaron nods and he closes his eyes again, tears falling down his cheeks. Robert wipes away the tears, his heart aching at this beautiful man lying next to him who believes he’s so unlovable, who believes things can’t go right for him. Not that Robert blames him for thinking that, though, it’s not like Aaron’s life has ever gone smoothly for him. But Robert wants nothing more than to prove him wrong. When Gordon gets proven guilty maybe it will be the wakeup call Aaron needs, maybe it’ll finally make him realise things can go his way.

“You’re everything, Aaron.”

“God,” Aaron chokes out before letting out a quiet laugh as he opens his eyes, smiling again. It’s a small one but it’s there.

“It’s Robert, actually.”

“I love you, too. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do. Wouldn’t have tried to stop me getting married if you didn’t.”

Aaron glares.

“Sorry. Sorry.”

“Nice way to ruin a moment,” Aaron berates.

“Never have been great with my words.”

“You do alright.”

Aaron sighs again and Robert moves even closer to Aaron. He brushes his fingers through Aaron’s hair again before he moves it and takes hold of Aaron’s free hand. He intertwines their fingers together before squeezing gently. It’s such a simple thing and yet it feels so intimate. They don’t hold hands. They kiss and they fuck and they argue. They make each other mad, they take things out on each other and then they make up. But they never hold hands. 

“You and me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Aaron whispers. “You and me.”

Robert leans in, then, closes the small gap between them and kisses Aaron easily. It’s tentative, not like the desperation in their previous kiss, it’s slow and lazy. They have time. They have so much time, time that Robert plans on taking advantage of. He plans on kissing Aaron in every possible way, between closed doors and in public, for the first time ever. He plans on making Aaron blush as much as he can, he plans on tracing every inch of Aaron’s body with his mouth. Nothing has to be rushed anymore, nothing has to be secret, they can just be. They can take their time and plan things properly; they can be a real couple for once.

If you had told Robert Sugden he would be in love with a man in the future, he would have called you crazy. But crazy might just fit the journey they’ve been on thus far and he wouldn’t change it for anything because it’s brought him to this moment right here, with Aaron, right where he wants to be. It’s brought him home.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what this was but i hope you enjoyed it anyway x


End file.
